Dear Reader
I hope that you are starting to see spring around you. It could be the first buds emerging, new leaves on trees, certain birds returning.. or it could be an internal feeling of emerging from hybernation, renewed curiosity and a sense of adventure.
This March newsletter addresses the recent spike of articles and media interest in polyamory - some positive, some negative and much of it uneducated and misdirected.
I include links to some of my content that can help clear up some of the fog that many writers who tackle this topic in the media seem to be set in (feel free to signpost it if you happen to know them).
The next peer support for 3rd March is full, and you can register to the next one which will be on April 7th. I keep the group small (8-10) people so everyone gets a chance to be heard and get support.
The show 'Couple to Throuple' seems to be causing a bit of a stir and hopefully raises enough red flags to prompt viewers to do their own research before they consider opening up their monogamous relationship and seek a 'third'. Their premise was to connect couples with singles and form triads (I dislike the word throuple because of its derivation from couple). But the couples seem to be unaware of what is actually involved in polyamory and are mostly interested in enhancing their own relationship and bringing excitement to their sex lives. As a result, they tend to treat the singles as objects and not fully autonomous beings with their own valid wants and needs.
This is something that we also see on dating apps like Feeld and where there is an overlap of swinger and polyamorous scenes.
Since January, many widely circulated newspapers and magazines have published articles about non-monogamy and polyamory. They range in tone and knowledge from acceptable to ridiculous and they are seldom written by journalists with actual lived experience of polyamory. The spike in media attention this time seems to have been caused by the release of a book with more than competent PR representation.
If you'd like to keep on top of polyamory representation in the news, I highly recommend to check out Polyamory in the News which keeps track of these things.
I wrote an article titled 'What is couple's privilege' which addresses much of what is wrong with 'Couple to Throuple' and the media's seeming blinders when it comes ot considering anything other than polyamory that centres the couple.
Here are a few excerpts, and you can read the full article on my blog:
How will society accept the philosophy behind polyamory, so long as couple’s privilege persists?
Couple’s privilege is the largely unchallenged mainstream acceptance, of the inherent importance and supremacy of a dyad relationship (mostly exclusive and primarily between a woman and a man).
Couple’s privilege is introduced to us throughout our lives from birth, through children’s stories, religion, popular media and state institutions. It is sustained through tax incentives, cultural encouragement and peer pressure.
Since so much of our aspirations in life are tied up with looking to ‘pair up’, it is unsurprising that few people dare to question this inherent bias. When the gay rights movement fought against discrimination, it was looking to win the right to be ‘just like the straights’ and win the right to marry – rather than challenging the entire legal marriage institution as inherently biased against anyone that does not conform to a mono-normative, alloromantic and allosexual mindset.
The way in which couple’s privilege appears in the alternative relationships space is through hierarchy. This is often seen in the practice of ‘unicorn hunting’ – a couple seeking to add someone to their established relationship who will connect equally to both (romantically and sexually). Alternatively, couples will often begin with ‘swinging’ – having group sex or swapping partners within the same room, and in view of one another. Even when the couple agrees to date and have sex with people separately, in all of these cases, there are explicit expectations and often clear agreements that are referred to as ‘relationship rules’.
I am not sure how to dismantle the entire concept of couple’s privilege, but I know that it starts with having a conversation, asking critical questions and checking ourselves when it comes to our own relationships. When exploring multigamy, the couple could take specific steps to avoid their privilege harming other people.
Click to read the full article
The next online peer support March 3rd is full, and you can join the waitlist or join Apr 7th.
The monthly group session continues for small-group deep dives, mutual support and amazing insights. You can have the option of purchasing an annual subscription that saves money and time and guarantees your place. There are 2 options, and the package includes other great benefits:
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Basic subscription includes:
- Attending all peer support sessions for a year
- Joining the private Telegram group
- Unlimited access to all paid video content
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Premium subscription includes:
- Everything in basic subscription
- Private, chat-based 30 minutes of support per month
- 20% discount on coaching sessions
Need support urgently?
If we have not spoken before, a short initial consultation for 20 minutes can be booked even for same day. The cost of the session is given back to you as credit to use for any other service.
If you live near London or Brighton in the UK, I am happy to announce the return of Conscious play fighting workshops. You can use the discount code 'newsletter' for £10 off the ticket.
If you are not familiar with what play fighting involves, check out the information here.
Quick links to website resources that you may find helpful:
I hope that spring comes to you soon!
Do you have a question that others might also find helpful to have answered?
Submit it online or email me and I will answer it in full in the next newsletter.
